Murderer

I journeyed for so long, past so many dark houses and gutted storefronts. Miles of barbed wire. 
And then I come upon an opening, this clearing. Where whirlwinds of emotion move through me, breaking the austere quality of my empty mind. From too many sounds to so much silence. The sea before me made of vast tribulations and the sky heavy with clouds of impatience, and here I must yield to a direction of significance. Thoughts pouring in, dwelling on my dreams as a barge made of ice, salt-wearing, warming, dying for love.

And I wonder what she knows. Does she know how I take my coffee? Does she know that I love the color red, or if I take my steak that way too? Does she know of my insensible expectations? Or how cruel I truly am? This precious thing is a unique rarity. The same quality I should be, and now, her head locked into mine. The dirt of my flesh touching her pain with sincerity. Her innocent face, her tender cries. I can't let go.

And I lie and tell myself it will be alright. But I know it isn't alright, and I know it will never be alright. Poor thing, so weary of time. And she, struggling, leapt naked into my dangerous mind to tend her by day and night.

Does she know how heavy my heart beats? Sustained by dark breath, trouble keeping my feet on the ground. Step by step and moving faster, my footprints in the furrows of her brain. And oh, the way she puts her head back, working her mouth, wrestling just to speak. Our own language coming through. A few important words and a lot of sweet moans, something in-between the breaths, a wordplay so intense, and then, that engulfing silence. Fewer ways to feel. Now, I want her to know; I can't let go.

And all she does is feel. Her hands of prayer press me, mine clutching her face, the sin, the sin, and the burning within. Her soft hands. Gentle hands. And in the half darkness, I see her.
My dead hands. Dead stringencies. And all I do is run, run from the water in my throat, down her throat, leading to a reality in my soul I cannot bear. She served me so that she could sleep and dream, and I killed her.